Bilderberger: "I don't have to tell you, and you don't need to know."

In other words, go back to sleep sheeple!:

One activist, Ali Aslan, walked alongside Enders, the Airbus boss, and asked him what was being discussed at this year's conference. "Nothing bad," said Enders. "We are just making our agendas." (This was the German word used: agenda – the same as in English).

"I don't understand," said Alsan. "There are politicians inside. Why are we not allowed to know what you're talking about?"

Bilderberg 2011: Lord Mandelson's nature walk

Charlie Skelton looks on as Peter Mandelson – and some billionaire buddies – take the air at Bilderberg

Peter Mandelson and Richard Lambert at Bilderberg. Photograph: Quierosaber

A shadow fell across the Engadine. The skylark ceased his merry song, the flowers curled and blackened in the meadow and a man in a special issue Bilderberg anorak set off on his stroll.

Bilderberg has had some bad ideas in its time (a European superstate, anyone?) but Lord Mandelson's nature walk has to be the worst. What were they hoping for? Had they not seen the 200 activists camped opposite the hotel gates?

Out of the gates they drove in their very own Bilderbus, up the mountain to a charming spot. The plan: to amble down through the gorgeous scenery, back to the Suvretta House Hotel for tea.

Out of the bus stepped Erich Schmidt, the executive chairman of Google, and Franco Bernabè, the CEO of Telecom Italia, followed by China's vice-minister of foreign affairs, Ying Fu, with her amazing hair.

Photograph: Hannah Borno

Then came the Swedish billionaire banker and industrialist Jacob Wallenberg, and the dapper CEO of Airbus, Thomas Enders. More of him later.

Mandelson led the way, locked in conversation with Sir Richard Lambert, a global non-executive director for Ernst & Young and the former editor of the FT. The Tory MP Rory Stewart trotted behind.

It was an odd walk right from the start. From nowhere, like something from a dream, a distinguished lady, dressed from top to toe in white, whooshed serenely past security and swanned to the front of the power walkers.

Photograph: Hannah Borno

No one recognised her or has seen her since. She had an other-worldy quality; I half expected her to be leading them to Charon's boat, or up a stairway formed of clouds.

Mandelson fell into step with Schmidt. We couldn't hear their happy chatter, but I presume they were admiring the breathtaking scenery, comparing their favourite wild flower, and hammering out how best to implement an internet kill switch.

Photograph: Stefan-Hans Bauer

The lady in white led her band of Bilderberg bigwigs and billionaires along the charming Swiss byways, across bridges over gentle streams ... and straight into a pack of 50 baffled activists, who were milling around outside a community hall during a break in a symposium.

This couldn't possibly be happening. "This is terrible," Mandelson was heard to exclaim as the activists swarmed around the delegates, firing questions and chorusing their concern. You can watch some remarkable footage from the incident on Alex Jones's website.

One activist, Ali Aslan, walked alongside Enders, the Airbus boss, and
asked him what was being discussed at this year's conference. "Nothing bad," said Enders. "We are just making our agendas." (This was the German word used: agenda – the same as in English).

"I don't understand," said Alsan. "There are politicians inside. Why are we not allowed to know what you're talking about?"

Enders smiled and said: "I don't have to tell you, and you don't need to know." And with that, he and his fellow delegates ducked beneath the security cordon, into the blessed safety of Bilderberg.

I don't know who organised the conference itinerary this year – but good luck in your next job.